KSRK: Guilty?/Not Guilty? (January 17. Morning.)

A year ago today. What is this? What does it mean? I am as agitated as the forest's anxious quivering before the storm. What kind of presentiment oppresses me? I do not recognize myself. Is this love? Oh, no! This much I certainly do realize - that it is not with her, it si not with Eros that I must struggle. it is religious crises that are gathering over me. My life-view has become ambiguous - how, I cannot as yet say. And my life belongs to her, but she suspects nothing.

The supplementary passage provided by the Hongs might actually be important here:

..... but with God; it is a religious battle that gathers over me; it is my view of life that demands a rebirth. What sorrow. There I sit with the suffering in my soul, and with me sits the young girl; she does not suspect how this pertains to her. Only I see the sword over our head, and I grow old, and she - she is my beloved.

I do think the 'life-view has become ambiguous' in the final version is essential, as it characterizes his predicament so much better than 'sorrow.' Though the latter has perhaps more poetic (dramatic?) impact, the 'suffering in my soul' sounds almost maudlin, even if it is accurate.